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What Defines a

Monday, November 13th, 2006 by www

Why bother reading YET ANOTHER study, grinding out the insignificant details
of why we have YET ANOTHER social problem?

ALL problems in our society really only come from ONE problem.

The trouble in our past, present and future can be explained in one simple
sentence…

Failing fathers create challenging and troubled
children!

I’ll prove it…

Let me take you on a brief tour of the history of ‘failing fathers’ so you
can see what kind of children they’ve produced.

Let’s start with Saddam Hussein…

When Saddam’s father left the family, it was up to his mother to raise him.
When she could not, he was given over to his uncle Khairallah Tulfah, an army
officer and Arab nationalist.

A deep bond between Saddam and Khairallah developed.

When Saddam was still a boy, Khairallah was expelled from the army and sent
to prison for 5 years because of his public sympathy for Adolf Hitler and the
Nazi belief system.

With Khairallah away at prison, young Saddam was sent back to live with his
mother who had remarried a poor and reportedly lazy man named Hassan
Al-Ibrahim.

Saddam’s step father found him to be nothing but an inconvenience. When he
was not neglecting Saddam, Hassan Al-Ibrahim would repeatedly abuse him.

And what kind of adult did Saddam grow up to be?

I don’t think I even need to answer that.

Let’s move on to Adolph Hitler…

Adolph’s father was more than strict. Adolph’s older brother ran away from
home to avoid the violent beatings from his father. Adolph’s father then shifted
his attention to Adolph who then received daily beatings from his father.

What about Joseph Stalin?

Joseph Stalin’s father was frequently drunk and often inflicted brutal blows
on young Joseph.

Stalin’s years of cruel treatment from his father developed a vindictive
attitude that created his desire for revenge against any figure of
authority.

Now let’s look at the children of FAITHFUL fathers…

George Washington’s memory of his father instilled a work ethic and integrity
into George at an early age. Even though his father didn’t live to see George’s
twelfth birthday, he fully imprinted his POSITIVE values on George during his
most impressionable years.

Martin Luther King Jr. had one particular childhood memory etched into his
mind regarding his father. He recalled his father taking him to Atlanta’s
segregated downtown to buy shoes.

When the clerk insisted that both father and son move to the back of the
store to be waited on, Martin Jr. watched his father speak firmly to the clerk
saying, “We’ll either buy shoes sitting here or we won’t buy shoes at all.”

Martin Senior took Jr.’s hand and confidently walked out of the store.

The LAST example…

Football coaching legend Vince Lombardi is quoted endlessly. His father,
Harry Lombardi, regaled his children with philosophies about freedom and
responsibility. He consistently lectured them on his triangle of success: sense
of duty, respect for authority and strong mental discipline.

So there you have it.

Saddam Hussein, Joseph Stalin and Adolph Hitler are children of FAILING
fathers. George Washington, Martin Luther King Jr. and Vince Lombardi are
children of FAITHFUL fathers.

Which did YOU have? A FAILING father or a FAITHFUL
father?

To find out, give your father a “Real Dad Score”.

The following definition sets the standard for what a TRUE father must be in
order to produce a positive and productive child.

The first thing you need to do is scan your memories during the first ten
years of your life. Throughout those years, rate your father according to the
following definition on a scale of 1-100%, (With 100 being the highest
rating)

REAL DAD DEFINITION: My dad was consistently
tough but fair. He took a genuine interest in the challenges, opportunities and
joys of each of his unique children.

Look back at your childhood years with your father.

If your father’s score is in the 90’s, chances are, you’re
already successful. If you rated your father in the 80’s, you’re leading a
content life with very few struggles.

The 70’s mean you may have some issues, but they’re not
anything you can’t work around. Read Dad scores in the 60’s indicate the
beginning of life troubles.

Real Dad scores in the 50’s and below create a troublesome
life unless you deliberately rebel against the way you were raised.

When your Real Dad score drops below the 50’s, the effects
can be seen in your career, marriage, social life and the lives of your OWN
children as well.

You’ve heard the slogan, “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree”,
but now you can see how it applies to REAL LIFE.

And that’s the profound truth.

Fathers create the quality of “apple” (son/daughter) and with few exceptions,
apples remain where they fall.

If you have troubles today, it’s NOT your fault, but it IS your
responsibility to take control of them. Should you place blame on your father
and be angry that he saddled you with these problems?

Of course not.

What your father did or didn’t do DOESN’T MATTER ANYMORE.

It’s HISTORY. There’s nothing you can do to change your past.

Since your father can’t repair the damage he did, placing blame on him only
gives you temporary emotional relief, but that will quickly wear off leaving you
back to square 1 – STUCK with your emotional pain once again.

Bottom line?

Don’t blame your dad for what he did back in your childhood. He did what he
did based on what HE KNEW at the time. (What he learned from HIS
father.)

This is the reason why generations of successful families produce generations
of successful adults as seen in the Rockefellers.

It also explains why there are “crime families”.

If you didn’t have a Real Dad yourself, you can STILL change the course of
history for YOUR CHILDREN.

Start by focusing on following the “Real Dad” definition and applying it to
every situation with your children.

Repeat the definition to yourself during those times when your children
challenge you and test your patience. You must resist the urge to give in to
your negative feelings that tell you otherwise.

YOUR CHILDREN NEED YOU TO SUCCEED. They NEED a FAITHFUL
father.

Now that you have a clear target or goal that you can strive to achieve,
focus on the Real Dad definition.

It will keep you going in the right direction and ensure that you raise a
confident and successful child who will contribute to our nation’s future.

And lastly, if you’re a woman reading this thinking it doesn’t apply to
you…THINK AGAIN.

YOUR JOB is to spread the word to the men you know about
what a Real Dad is and why it’s so important to become one.

By doing this, we’ll be able to stop this vicious cycle of troubled fathers
creating troubled children once and for all.

Â

If YOU didn’t have a Real Dad and you’d like to learn how to instantly eliminate painful feelings, STOP dwelling on your problems and start feeling better FAST, get your FREE 7-day email mini course here: Eliminate Painful Feelings

Do Marriage Counselors Do More Harm Than Good?

Monday, November 13th, 2006 by www

Before you begin screening marriage counselors to help you save your
marriage, you MUST consider the potential drawbacks of marriage
counseling so you can get all your facts straight FIRST. This article will help
you avoid making a costly mistake that could not only set you
back financially…but cost you your marriage as well.

In July of 1999, at a conference for professional marriage counselors, a
credible marriage counselor by the name of Dr. William J. Doherty, gave a
shocking report on the state of marriage counseling to his fellow
professionals.

According to Doherty, most marriage counseling is HAZARDOUS, not
helpful to your marriage.

Therapy-based, American style marriage counseling (practiced by most marriage
counselors) can actually do more HARM than good in your marriage.

All hope is NOT lost however, for the rising number of struggling couples.
There ARE more effective alternatives to marriage counseling – they are so
effective in fact that even professional marriage counselors are admitting that
couples need MARRIAGE EDUCATION more than they do marriage
therapy.

In June of 1999, USA Today reported that, “Even fans of marriage
counseling are saying disturbing things. Research shows that it doesn’t work as
well as we once thought and it might not last.”

That report reinforces the research that shows a great majority of marriage
counselors conducting therapy have had no formal training at all.

This research further documented that two years after couples went through
marriage counseling, 25% of the couples were WORSE OFF than before they started
the therapy.

Up to 38% of them actually divorced.

Perhaps what’s even more shocking is the fact that therapists who actually
work with COUPLES, are in the minority.

80% of all private practice marriage counselors in the U.S. say they conduct
marriage therapy, yet only 12% are in a profession
that requires them to take EVEN ONE course on dealing with couples.

If you ask marriage counselors about their approach, the vast majority will
tell you that they find working with individuals much more “productive” than
working with couples.

Dr. William J. Doherty stated, “Couples therapy is the most difficult
therapy of all because every session starts with the threat of
divorce”.

After training marriage counselors for a living, in his 1999 address at the
conference for professional marriage counselors, Dr. Doherty called the methods
of marriage counselors, “Hazardous to your marital health.”

He established four ways that marriage counselors have produced DESTRUCTIVE
outcomes in marriages.

According to Doherty, there are four ways marriage counselors can do more
harm than good in your marriage…

1. By being incompetent

2. By being neutral

3. By pathologizing (telling you why your marriage is
“sick”)

4. By being overtly undermining (attempting to break up the
marriage)

INCOMPETENT: In the case of incompetent marriage
counselors, the counselor has not been trained to work with couples
together. They believe working with two people is an expanded version
of working with one, but it is not. An individual is easy to listen to, but a
battling couple is not. Working with couples requires skill, structure and a
very different approach than one-on-one therapy.

NEUTRAL: These marriage counselors, Doherty claims,
are not neutral about marriage at all. When a counselor appears to be neutral,
but actually takes sides with the more self-oriented spouse, they are
undermining the marriage. “When a counselor uses the language of individual
self interests, it undercuts the moral commitment that is owed to the
marriage.” Doherty stated.

PATHOLOGIZING: Pathologizing is when marriage
counselors build a case insisting that the couple has a “sick” relationship.
They actually ENCOURAGE couples to get a divorce by saying things like, “Why
SHOULD YOU hang in there? Why be a victim?” These marriage counselors make
couples believe that they’re being abused, which causes both spouses to draw
their only conclusion: “If the professional thinks this is over, then I
should too.”

UNDERMINING: While telling couples what they should
do is against the code of ethics of the American Association for Marriage and
Family Therapy, many therapists still do it. These therapists say phrases
like, “You should probably end this marriage.” or, “If you’re going
to stay sane, you should move out.” Undermining therapists urge husbands
and wives to sever their relationships with family members and spouses.Â

If you’re looking for a good marriage counselor, Dr. Doherty urges you to ask
questions first. Learn about the therapists’ values by asking questions like
these:

1. Are you self taught, workshop-trained or college educated in
working with couples?

Bad Answer: College educated.

Good Answer: Self taught or workshop trained and they speak
convincingly about how their program saves marriages.

2. What is your attitude about saving a troubled marriage vs. helping
a couple break up?

Bad Answer: “It’s not my decision. Couples have to make their own
decision.” This is an evasive answer…not a good sign.

Good Answer: “I help couples find ways to stay together and help them
understand and overcome their problems.”

3. Where do you stand when one spouse wants to stay and the other
wants a divorce?

Bad Answer: “I try to get people to understand their own feelings.”
This is a focus on the individual, NOT the couple.

Good Answer: “This is normally what I see with couples. I have ways to
help them both handle this in positive ways.”

4. What percentage of your practice involves both husband and
wife?

Bad Answer: “I find working with husbands and wives individually to be
more practical.”

Good Answer: “All of it. When both people are with me and following my
process, I find they have the greatest success.”

5. Of all the couples you treat, what percentage stay married and
have a better marriage in the end?

Bad Answer: “100%” or “I don’t keep that type of information”

Good Answer: About 70 to 80% stay happily married, while the rest drop
out of my process and are unwilling to finish.

The difference in the answers you receive from marriage counselors is the
feeling you get when you talk with them. Bad answers feel evasive or vague while
good answers are confident and positive.

Now that you know the right questions to ask, you can confidently screen
marriage counselors, separating the GOOD from the bad. But if you’re
hesitant about bringing a marriage counselor into your marriage, as Dr. Doherty
suggested, marriage education might be the answer you’re
looking for.

Want to get back on track with the one you love? Find out if you’re already on the “Secret Path” to Divorce and learn how to stay off it forever. Get your FREE Special Report here: Stop Your Divorce

Lasik Surgery Gone Bad

Monday, November 13th, 2006 by www

Considering lasik eye surgery and being optimistic about the results does not make the possible complications disappear. Something can go bad and you must be informed from reliable sources, about what and why, to make a good decision.

Reliable Information Sources

It is not so commonly known that bad lasik eye surgery may cause terrible side effects; different lasik complication may occur, both after and during the surgery. The causes are different from the faulty equipment to doctors’ inexperience.

Before taking the decision to go through a lasik surgery you should research and understand the problems that can occur and the procedure, and there are many ways to do this. Records of bad lasik eye surgery, study of surgical vision correction may help you to make the decision.

Information sources like websites may provide very different stories but they are not so reliable. The positive stories may be very positive and the negative ones may be enough to keep somebody from thinking about the procedure. So if you want a more reliable source just speak with relatives and friends that have undergone an eye surgery. They will be happy to share with you both the problems and the successes. Also consulting a doctor may be useful, but be aware because some doctors are interested only in the money.

What can go wrong?

Read rest of Bad Lasik Eye Surgery article here.

Hoodies – a hot new fashion trend

Saturday, October 28th, 2006 by www

No, it’s not a bunch of juvenile delinquents or leftovers from an old West Side Story play. “Hoodies” are the season’s hot new fashion trend, pioneered by urban music artists who wear them even in the summer.
Young people were the first to start wearing them but they’ve now spread through all elements of society and marketers are all over the trend pitching them to everyone from soccer moms to business types.
With chilly temeratures again in the air, hoodies, or hooded sweat shirts, are everywhere, in bright colors and with bold designs celebrating everything from rock ‘n roll and hip hop to religion. Many of the hoodies have the same design as seen on trendy T-Shirts that have become fashionstatements for warmer weather.
When buying a hoodie, most people generally get a size larger than normal, to accomodate the layered look.
But no matter that the style, hoodies are in, replacing old fashioned sweatshirts for style consious casual clothes wearers.

LDS Dating Advice: Do You Need To Work On Yourself?

Monday, October 23rd, 2006 by www

LDS Singles will often say that the reason they are single is because they haven’t found the right person yet. But sometimes its not about who you meet as much as it is about your own personal development. Part of that development is having the maturity and confidence to know when you need to say sorry.

Saying sorry isn’t the easiest thing to do, and some find it very difficult. Others say it easily but aren’t entirely convincing. But being able to say your sorry is an important skill in developing a close personal relationship.

One of the challenges in saying sorry is that the person who is apologizing often feels exposed to confrontation or scrutiny. However, shouldn’t we be willing to accept being vulnerable in front of our loved ones?

If people feel that saying sorry diminishes the respect they receive from others, or brings their judgment (and their intelligence) into question – who CAN apologize freely? If it is so hard to do can we reasonably expect it from others?

So take a look at why you are still a LDS Single and see whether you need to make some changes in the way that you handle yourself when you are in a relationship. Once you’ve mastered the basics you give yourself a much better chance of success in becoming a LDS married.

Mom Stress: Meditation Technique for When You Are

Monday, October 23rd, 2006 by www

I read an article the other day by Paul Wilson, he’s probably best know as ‘the little book of calm guy’, and he was talking about how meditation is often made to seem like this mystical exotic activity when really its quite simple and there is no need to make into anything other than what it is – an exercise to calm the mind. His preferred method for meditating is to focus on the breath and on every out breath to say the word ‘calm’ in your mind.

Sounded so simple I thought I give it a try. I was amazed at the difference this made. I guess it has something to do with being conscious about exactly what I was doing. It is easy to drift off when the only focus is on an in breath followed by an out breath and then over and over again. But when adding a word into the mix it was enough to make a difference to how ‘present’ I was and therefore how I felt.

But even if you don’t use this technique in meditation its a good one to use whenever you think of it. You could be typing at your computer, folding the washing, brushing your child’s hair, any typical mom stress moment or just an everyday activity – just breath out and say ‘calm’ in your mind and make it stretch out as long as you can along with your breath.

Five Steps To An Effective Time Management System

Sunday, October 22nd, 2006 by www

An effectime time management system can be adopted by anyone, at any time and in any situation whether it be work related or in a personal nature. Haphazard use of time is a “condition” suffered by the majority in all walks of life and until some time strategies are put into place, then effective time management will be only a “pipedream.”

As a web publisher, how I use my time is crucial. There was a time when I wandered through a day without an end target; my productivity was inconsistent and my stress levels often went “through the roof.” Can you identify with this? Here are some time management strategies I put into place which have served me well.

Good Time Management System

1. Making a list of things to do sounds like a well worn piece of advice. Well, in actual fact it is but let’s be honest, how many people simply ignore this little time effective gem, dismissing it before giving it a try. Making a to do list will give you a starting point to achieve your daily tasks. In effect, it can help neutralize procrastination before it sets in. It’s a “must do” time management exercise.

2. Writing a to do is one thing: prioritizing your list is another. Whether you write your list before going to bed ( highly recommended ) or first thing in the morning, list your tasks in order of importance.

3. One thing I found extremely powerful was completing my most difficult tasks first. As a writer, getting going is a tough thing to do. Writing articles for distribution is always hardest when you’ve already spent most of your day working. I simply prioritized my to do list by making my article writing the first item of my work day. It’s amazing how much more creative you can be when your mind is fresh. Writing is a chore most detest so why leave it until late in the day when tiredness is fast creeping in.

4. My work day used to finish whenever I completed my last task. Not anymore. Since prioritizing in order of importance, I am now very comfortable in holding over work to the following day. My work day starts at 8:00am religiously every day and finishes at 3:00pm. There are no exceptions. Working from home gives me a few advantages and one is my short commute to my office. During those seven hours I am focussed on productivity. After 3:00pm, it’s time to relax and get in a little recreation. An effective time management system for me has meant that I now have a good balance between work and play.

5. Creating a good balance is vital in maintaining low stress levels. I have trained myself in achieving this through a personal reward system. It’s my end-of-the-day goal. When the clock strikes three, I know I have been extremely focussed and productive. Now it’s time for my reward. This can be anything you want it to be. In my case, all I will say is that my house is just a short stroll to the local beach!

An effective time management system doesn’t have to be complicated. Don’t get hung up on the term time management. It is what it is. It’s what best suits your situation. Work out a plan for yourself then stick to it.

Time Management Tips

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